


you miss the shots you don't take

by premonitioning



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Canon Divergence, F/F, Pining, background kagehina - Freeform, tanaka and hinata are top wingmen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-06
Updated: 2020-04-06
Packaged: 2021-03-01 19:08:11
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,886
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23512123
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/premonitioning/pseuds/premonitioning
Summary: “But…you’re so beautiful?”Kiyoko has heard those words before, but never from Hitoka. The awe in Hitoka’s voice makes the back of Kiyoko’s neck heat up.- Kiyoko doesn't know how to do confessions.
Relationships: Shimizu Kiyoko/Yachi Hitoka
Comments: 9
Kudos: 106





	you miss the shots you don't take

**Author's Note:**

> few notes - a one way bullet train from Tokyo station to Sendai station is like 11,000yen (just over $100US)  
> Shimizu's birthday is January 6th. Japan's age of majority is 20, and many 20 year olds take part in a Coming of Age ceremony on the 2nd Monday in January, which is a national holiday and also happens to be the same weekend as HaruKo  
> also f*ck the first arc of Haikyuu is set in the school year of 2012/2013

Kiyoko forgets herself when she first talks to Hitoka. She’s just so relieved to find someone willing to consider being manager with her that she forgets her shyness, and doesn’t stop when she grabs and shakes Hitoka’s hand. Her ears burn up when she leaves Hitoka standing in the first year corridor.

She thinks that it may not work out, at first. Hitoka is even more shy than Kiyoko is, but with serious anxiety piled on top. Kiyoko loves every one of her volleyball idiots fiercely, but her excitement over training a possible successor made her forget that the boys on the Karasuno volleyball team were…a lot.

But all those fears melt away when Hitoka witnesses her first match; she watches Hitoka as Hitoka watches her boys. Usually Kiyoko watches the matches so that she can take diligent notes to be poured over with Daichi and Coach Ukai later. But Hitoka’s reactions are too entertaining – her squeaks when Asahi spikes the ball through three blockers, gasps when Nishinoya successfully pulls off a Rolling Thunder, and she keeps drawing Kiyoko’s attention away from the match.

But it’s when the blonde gapes at Hinata jumping that Kiyoko knows that Hitoka is never going to be able to turn back. She smirks to herself, proud of her boys yet again. Months later, when Hitoka has truly fallen in love with the Karasuno team, Kiyoko feels validated in her pride but there’s a hint of bittersweet to it, too.

-

After they lose at the Spring Tournament, Kiyoko notices that Hitoka is spending a lot more time with Hinata. Their heads are constantly bent towards each other, somehow managing to have their overly expressive, wild conversations in quiet voices. It gives Kiyoko an unsettling feeling somewhere above her stomach.

Even though she’s officially retired from club activities, Kiyoko still waits after school to walk home with Hitoka. Before she knows it, it’s spilled from her mouth.

“You’re very close with Hinata, recently.”

Hitoka turns bright red. “It’s not what you think!” she stammers out, waving her hands in front of her face. Kiyoko isn’t sure what she thinks, so she just tilts her head.

“No?”

“No! We are, I mean, Hinata, is trying to…” Hitoka gulps loudly, and squeezes her eyes shut. “He has a person he likes – NOT ME – and he’s been asking for my advice because he said that I’m the only person he can talk to about this which is silly because it’s not like I have any romantic experience or anything, but I want to support him not just as his manager but his friend because Hinata has always helped me, but you know, again, it’s silly, he probably should have asked you!”

Kiyoko thinks that Hitoka said that all in one breath as the younger girl laughs loudly and nervously.

“Oh, I probably wouldn’t be much help either. I’ve never been in a relationship.” Kiyoko turns and smiles at Hitoka’s loud gasp.

“But…you’re so beautiful?”

Kiyoko has heard those words before, but never from Hitoka. The awe in Hitoka’s voice makes the back of Kiyoko’s neck heat up.

-

Kiyoko expects this. It was almost too cliché of Tanaka to wait for her after class on her second to last day of school. Actually, she’d expected him to do it after graduation, but perhaps he felt impatient. She gives him a small smile and follows him to the rarely used staircase by the science rooms.

It’s not uncomfortable or embarrassing. Kiyoko hates being confessed to by boys she doesn’t know. But she knows Tanaka. And she loves Tanaka, a lot, but not in the same way he says he loves her.

Tanaka sighs and rubs the back of his head when she bows to him with a quiet apology on her lips. “Yeah, I thought as much. Worth a shot though, right?”

Kiyoko nods. “You miss all the shots you don’t take,” she says, moving to sit down on the staircase and pats the space next to her. Tanaka practically collapses onto the stair.

“Do…” Tanaka clears his throat. “Do you have someone you like?” he asks quietly, and Kiyoko think’s it’s funny how he’s only starting to blush _now_. Well, that makes two of them. Kiyoko looks down at her indoor school shoes, and thinks about how she’ll only get to wear them one more day. It hits her in the gut, that today will probably be filled with lasts for her. She’s not the sentimental type, but the fact that she won’t get to spend any more time with her volleyball boys, with _Hitoka,_ hurts.

And now another painful realisation, as to why she’s always rejected the boys who confessed to her, because it really never was because she was more focused on her club, or her studies. Those were excuses that she could give when there weren’t big round eyes looking up to her every move, or trembling fingers clinging to her jersey when a particularly tall and scary looking athlete looked at them, or a million watt smile calling her ‘senpai’ as they fill water bottles together. She breathes a heavy sigh, and nods.

“I think…” Now Kiyoko full understands how all those boys felt. Voicing it out loud made it feel very true. And very scary. “I probably…I like Hitoka-chan.”

Tanaka actually pouts. “I never stood a chance,” he grumbles, before the pair of them break into soft chuckles.

The next day, Hitoka cries big fat tears as she lines up next with the rest of the club and thanks the four graduating third years, but she’s keeping her face schooled straight – unlike Tanaka, who can only be described as ugly crying.

Kiyoko is grinning as she waves goodbye to her underclassmen, but she wishes that Hitoka had taken her aside like Tanaka had. Kiyoko isn’t brave enough to do it herself.

-

Kiyoko studies business management at a university in Tokyo. Hitoka’s texts start off coming sporadically, asking about the location of equipment or old documents. Then come updates about the team. Then the selfies – usually with Hinata and Kagayama. (Kageyama has the ability to look blurry in every picture she receives, to the point that Kiyoko thinks it must be a talent.)

Then Hitoka starts sending messages about the dramas she’s watching, or a YouTuber she admires, or cute puppy videos, and Kiyoko laments how expensive the train to Sendai is. She tell Hitoka that in a message. Hitoka asks if she should get a part time job so that _she_ could make the trip down to Tokyo. Kiyoko buries her face in her pillow and takes five minutes to come up with a response that isn’t some form of ‘ _yes please_ ’. She settles for ‘ _if you’re not at karasuno, who will stop the second years from fighting?’_. Hitoka responds with ‘ _tanaka-senpai’_ , like it’s obvious because it was.

Kiyoko buys a discounted return ticket for that weekend. It sets her back 15,000 yen but Hitoka practically sparkles when she shows up towards the end of Karasuno’s Saturday practice, during clean up. Nishinoya and Tanaka both yell and come bounding over with Hinata practically bouncing behind them.

She is introduced to the new first years, a substantially larger batch than when she’d been part of the club, and Kiyoko’s chest swells with pride because it was _her_ boys that made Karasuno a powerhouse school again, and this was a product of their efforts.

As she waits for Hitoka to change out of her jersey so that they can get lunch together, Tanaka leans out of the door to the gym with a grin nearly splitting his face.

“What?” Kiyoko asks. Tanaka, impossibly, grins more.

Kiyoko feels like she’s suddenly under a spotlight, and flushes. “Shush!”

“I didn’t say anything!”

Hinata comes out from the gym, changes his shoes, and also grins up at her. “It was really nice surprise having you visit, Shimizu-senpai. The _whole club_ is happy about it.”

Kiyoko whirls on Tanaka after Kageyama yells at Hinata that he’s being slow and Hinata takes off hollering.

“I didn’t say anything!” Tanaka repeats, this time looking scared. “But Hinata sometimes just _knows_ things!”

Tanaka isn’t wrong. Hinata is weirdly perceptive, at the oddest times. But Hinata is also Hitoka’s best friend, and Kiyoko allows herself to hope, just a tiny bit.

-

Hitoka sneaks out from the Nekoma training camp to meet Kiyoko for dinner. Kiyoko goes to cheer on every Karasuno game at Inter High, Asahi by her side. They don’t win, but they still make best 8. Hitoka cries on Kiyoko’s shoulder before getting back onto the bus to Miyagi.

She sneaks out again from the summer training camp, and this time comes to Kiyoko’s dorm room. They talk about nothing and everything, with a movie playing on Kiyoko’s laptop, and Hitoka falls asleep on her bed. Kiyoko thinks she that she might cry from frustration. It’s different from sleepovers at training camps because Hitoka had decided to wear a summer dress which she’d fallen asleep in and Kiyoko is having to deal with thoughts about the blonde’s thighs that she can only describe as impure.

She texts Tanaka _‘sos’_.

Hitoka wakes up when her phone starts ringing, and Kiyoko can hear Hinata’s hushed voice through the speaker, followed by Kageyama’s – she clearly hears him call Hitoka an idiot. The blonde is quietly apologetic but tells them where she is.

“We’re coming to pick you up, it’s dangerous for you to walk alone.”

They only take 30 minutes to get to Kiyoko’s building, and Kiyoko waves goodbye to them silently. She tries not to think about how Hinata and Kageyama were probably, definitely, holding hands before she’d walked Hitoka out the door.

She regrets not telling Hitoka to stay, and to go back in the morning. She regrets not doing a lot of things that night. But she texts Tanaka _‘thanks_ ’, anyway.

-

“I’m applying to art schools in Tokyo,” Hitoka tells her just before she gets back on to the bus where the rest of the Karasuno team are still screaming and taking pictures with the Spring Tournament trophy.

Kiyoko’s stomach does happy flips, and she grins. “Should I start looking for two bedroom apartments?” she asks jokingly. Hitoka’s smile doesn’t reach her eyes, and Kiyoko can’t work out why. Well. Maybe. The number of bedrooms might have been the issue.

-

Hitoka is too busy with building her portfolio to text her as often as she did when the blonde was a second year. There is no sneaking out from training camps this year. Kiyoko thinks that Hitoka looks exhausted when she goes to cheer on Karasuno at Inter High, even though there’s a tall brunette girl who must be the new manager with her.

This year, Asahi can’t make it, but Tanaka can. “You’re killing me, Kiyoko-san,” he tells her after they send off the miserable team back to Miyagi. Karasuno seems to have terrible luck with Inter High.

“Yeah. Me too, Tanaka. Me too.”

“You could just _tell her_.”

Kiyoko’s lips twitch into a sad smile. “I’m not as brave as you.”

-

Karasuno didn’t qualify for the Spring Tournament this year, Seijou having crushed them in the qualifiers. But she feels a sense of relief. It’s always held on the long weekend of Coming of Age day, and it’s Kiyoko’s turn to wear a kimono and put flowers in her hair.

Kiyoko had debated with herself about telling Hitoka that she’ll be back in Miyagi. She knew that Hitoka was stressed about her university applications, but it still stung that the last message she’d gotten from Hitoka was on New Year’s day - she’d forgotten Kiyoko’s birthday this year.

In the end, she sends Hitoka a picture of her train tickets as the train is idling in Fukushima and doesn’t respond to any of the sixteen apology texts she gets.

That Monday, she walks with Sugawara to the shrine where they meet Daichi and Asahi. Kiyoko thinks all three of them look very handsome in their hakama (though Sugawara won’t stop crowing about how Asahi looks more like a samurai than ever). Daichi tells her she looks beautiful, and she can only smile wistfully at him because she wants to hear it from Hitoka instead.

Asahi makes a comment about how he doesn’t feel like an adult, and Kiyoko agrees. She feels like she’s been stuck in limbo for nearly two years – university, part time jobs, and living alone haven’t made her feel grown up at all. She feels stuck in the state she was the day before she graduated high school, sitting with Tanaka on the staircase next to the science rooms. She doesn’t say this out loud, but instead makes a joke about how Asahi has looked like an adult for too long.

The ceremony is long and Kiyoko’s waist starts to hurt from how snugly her obi is tied, so she is grateful when it is finally over and she can take pictures with her family and former classmates. They invite her and the three other volleyball team alumni out for drinks – after everyone has gone home and changed out of their stiff, traditional clothes.

Her boys walk her home, and Daichi is the first one who notices. “Hitoka-chan…?”

Kiyoko stops still at the sight of Hitoka, sitting on her family’s front door step, with her eyes red and swollen. Oh no. No, Kiyoko didn’t mean for this. Sugawara suddenly somehow knows, always knows, and he babbles a greeting and a goodbye to Hitoka, pushing the other two boys – men – along the road. Asahi yells that they’ll see her later, at the drinking party. Kiyoko feels like she’s hearing him from underwater.

Hitoka stands up to tremble in front of her. Her eyes are brimming with tears, and she takes a deep breath. “I’m really sorry for forgetting your birthday!” she yells, nearly at the top of her lungs, while bowing deeply.

“It’s okay, Hitoka-chan, it’s fine, you’re only a couple of days late, it’s okay.” Kiyoko is almost babbling, pulling on the blonde’s shoulders to bring her back up to standing. It doesn’t seem to help, because Hitoka is now crying, and Kiyoko can only wrap her arms around the younger girl’s – woman’s – shoulders. Her heart sinks into her stomach as Hitoka pulls away, wiping at her face.

“I’ll get your kimono all dirty…”

“Oh. Right. That.”

They stand facing each other awkwardly, as Kiyoko wishes she could just _say it_ , but any words she thinks might work get stuck in her throat before she can vocalise them.

“I got into art school,” Hitoka whispers as she breaks the silence, looking up at her through teary lashes. “The one closest to your university. I got the email on Saturday.”

“That’s great, Hitoka-chan,” Kiyoko congratulates, and she’s already planning what kind of apartment they’re going to share. But the air around them is still unsettled by Hitoka’s sniffling, and Kiyoko knows she _could_ change it but can she really?

“You look so beautiful in your kimono…” Hitoka is outright sobbing now, and Kiyoko feels so helpless that tears pinprick her own eyes.

“Why are you crying, Hitoka-chan?” _What can I do to make you feel better?_ Kiyoko takes Hitoka’s hands, squeezing them in her own, which just seems to make things worse.

“B-because, I forgot your birthday, and I upset you, and made you angry, and I ruined everything, and now we won’t get to live together in Tokyo because of it, but seeing you right now after so long, and, and, you’re so beautiful and I love you, I've always loved you, and I just want to be with you so much that it hu-u-rts!” Hitoka wails, covering her face with her fists.

Kiyoko’s heart has apparently sprouted wings and is flapping about in her ribcage. This was _not_ how she imagined any sort of confession from Hitoka, not in any of her fantasies, not one bit of it, but it doesn’t matter. It’s perfect. She takes the blonde’s face in her hands, and kisses one cheek and then the other. Hitoka stills, staring with those large brown eyes.

She fishes her handkerchief out of the small pouch hanging off her wrist, and uses it to wipe Hitoka’s face.

“Kiyoko-senpai…” she breathes, a hand coming up to cling to the wrist that was cupping her face.

“I should have told you I was coming up, Hitoka-chan, I should have come to see you before today, I should have told you to stay that summer, I should have…” Kiyoko takes a deep breath, and finally feels able to smile. Hitoka’s eyes are darting back and forth wildly, her expression of disbelief making her more adorable. “I should have confessed to you the day I graduated. I love you too, Hitoka-chan.”

The blonde gasps, before tearing up again.

Kiyoko texts Sugawara later, as Hitoka wriggles next to her. ’ _I can’t make the party’._

_‘Fine, but we need a cute picture of you two.’_

Kiyoko raises her phone, and Hitoka somehow knows to kiss her on the cheek as soon as she opens the camera. She boldly sends the picture of them cuddling to the ‘ _karasuno volleyball 2012/’13’_ group chat that had been started the week Hitoka joined the team. It promptly explodes.


End file.
